200

Wow! 200 posts. Part of me can't believe that I would ever have that much to say. Another part of me can't believe that I haven't had many, many more. I decided for my 200th post, I'd let you ask me some questions. So just put your questions in the comments and I'll come back soon to answer them! Anything you want to ask...

Santa needs to be more careful...

Good ol' Santa. He meant well, but he really should be more careful in the future. See, last year, Evie so badly wanted Butterscotch. A HUGE play pony by FurReal Friends. Being the thoughtful guy that Santa is, he emailed me to give Evie the heads up that the pony was just too big for our apartment so there would be no room for Butterscotch. She was a little disappointed, but understood, and took it like a champ.

Fast forward to this year. We moved into a new home in January. It has a formal livingroom that is basically empty. The kids use it for a play area more than anything. So, of course, about August, the statements that Santa will be bringing Butterscotch because we have more room now began. Oh, Santa, what have you done?! But alas, never fear, says dear Santa. For the FurReal friends company is no longer making Butterscotch!! Hurray! Problem solved. Or so we thought. Seems Butterscotch has simply been replaced. By S'Mores... ...and she thinks S'Mores is cuter. Of course. So Santa, you need to think long and hard about how you're going to get out of this one. Suddenly William's request for the $130 Lego set doesn't seem so bad, does it? I don't envy you Santa...

Heaven help me...

Dear Lord, please do not let my daughter see any advertisements that tell her that High School Musical 3 will be in theaters this Friday. Amen.

Bored

Being bored at work leads to some strange stuff...like this:

You Are

An Evil Pumpkin Face You would make a good pumpkin bomb.

What's" Your Pumpkin Face?

Scary movie suggestions, please

My good friend Chris mentioned that it is scary movie month...which got me asking his opinions on some scary movies...which got me thinking about what scary movies I haven't seen that I would like to...which led me here to ask you for scary movie suggestions. Please.

Any final words?

Ohio executed a man today who had spent years trying to convince the powers that be that it was unlawful to execute him because he was obese. He was tried and convicted of sexually assaulting and murdering two college students. Six members of one victim's family were there as witnesses, and here are the final words they heard from him:

"You (expletive) haven't paid any attention to anything I've said in the last 22 1/2 years, why would anyone pay any attention to anything I've had to say now."

A Morning Well Spent

Yesterday morning was the Walk Now for Autism event. The Walking for William team had a great time!!! Our tiny team raised $815!!!! There was so much to do there...bouncy houses, games, face painting, characters to meet. So fun!! And it was at the very place that the Buckeyes play football, so Evie was in hog-heaven. Walking into the stadium, she started sing-chanting "I'm walking on the Buckeyes field. I'm walking on the Buckeyes field." William was excited to high-five a bounty hunter from Star Wars. When we asked if he wanted his picture taken with the bounty hunters, he said, "no, I just wanted to say Hi." Toooooo cute!

During the opening ceremonies, there was a lot of talk from several of the speakers about curing Autism. This is one area where Autism Speaks and I have differing opinions. And yesterday I had to explain that to my child. Here is the conversation:

William: "Mom, I need to be cured from Autism."

Mom: "NO, you don't William, you are perfect."

William: "Even with Autism?"

Mom: "Yep, even with Autism, you are perfect.

William: "Then why did they say we have to cure Autism?"

Mom: A long explanation about how some kids with Autism cannon speak, go to a regular school, make friends, etc. so they want to try to make those kids better. "But you don't need to be made better."

William: "Because I'm smart? And perfect with Autism?"

Mom: "Exactly."

I don't want a cure for my child. I understand, to some extent, that some people do, but not me. What I *DO* want is access to insurance coverage for therapies deemed most effective in giving him a little exra assistance where he needs it. There should not be clinics and hospitals out there that can refuse to treat these children, but there are. There should not be 2 years worth of red tape to start treatment, but there can be. What I *DO* want is more research on a wider spectrum to determine what those most effective therapies are for the wide variety of children on the Autism Spectrum. What I *DO* want is more education on Autism for teachers and pediatricians, and those other professionals who come in contact with my child who's brain works just a little differently than theirs...not worse, just different. The money raised by Autism Speaks goes to fund research and training and campaining for all of these areas.

Ok, sorry, back to the fun stuff. My wonderful sister Christy actually remembered her camera yesterday, unlike the rest of us!!! So here are just a few pictures from the day. You can see more about the Brutus Buckeye statues they are posing with by clicking here.

William and Evie both LOVED meeting the characters from Star Wars, and William is going to think this is the coolest picture! He will love that the Storm Trooper behind him has the gun raised over his head. But take a look at my favorite part of this picture...see how Evie is holding onto William's hand? Precious!!

William's sweet handprint....

I'd walk to the ends of the earth and back for this Super kid!!!!!

....

Evie's parent teacher conference is this afternoon. Why do I feel like I'm being called to the principal's office? Ha!

Joining the Big Boy ranks...

It's official....those carefree days of lower elementary are over for my sweet son. Today, he has "official" standardized testing. Not the "let's just see how they do" standardized testing of years prior...the real deal. He'll have even more of it in April. AND, the number/letter grades have started. No more "S" for satisfactory and "E" for excellent. Nope. Now's the time to be called to the carpet. To see that 89%/"B" and get all upset because it's ONE STINKIN' POINT away from an "A"!!! No more 6 word, could-do-it-in-my-sleep, practice 100 times during class spelling lists either. 25 spelling words each week. And they're difficult. And they don't get any extra practice with them during school. Hard core, every night studying going on here, folks. Third grade is the real deal. :)

Getting political for a moment...

Folks, I am not one of those people that LOVES to discuss politics. I actually hate discussing it. I have my opinions but I'm not usually pounding the pavement about them. But with political arena as it is today, I just gotta vent for a sec about some political issues...that really shouldn't be issues, political or not, in my opinion :)

1. Abortion--Pro-choice does NOT equal Pro-death people!!! PUH-LEEEASE figure that out people! If I found myself single, alone, even raped, and pregnant, abortion would never be an option for me. No way. Not ever. And I wish with my entire being that those women that choose abortion would think a little harder about the option of adoption. And I wish with all of my being that this country cared about ALL of it's citizens, even the "special needs" ones, enough that abortion didn't seem like the only answer for some women who's ultrasound's indicate there might be a handicap. HOWEVER, I do not, and will not EVER, believe that the government should have any right to make that decision for any woman. Period.

2. Gay marriage--if you've read my blog for a while, you already know where I stand on this. It's 2008 for crying out loud!! I'm really pissed that anyone would still be having to fight for the right to get married. The laws in this country that keep two people in love from getting married are absolutely crazy! I can't even wrap my mind around why this has to be an issue at all. I was SOOO irate last week...why? Because Clay Aiken, Mr. American-Idol runner-up turned superstar (?), had to go on the front cover of a magazine with the headline "Yes, I'm Gay!" Why did this bother me?? Because I would love to see us living in a world where the response to a statement like that would be "so..." A world where that statement would receive the same reaction as if he had said "I had a cheeseburger for lunch." But no, it made my yahoo news front page for three days. Seriously. To me, the laws that make same-sex marriage illegal equate with the laws that kept blacks and women from voting. And yes, I am a straight, married, mother. And no, I'm not worried about what allowing gay marriage would do to my kids or their future.

3. Sarah Palin--are you kidding me???? Did John McCain and the Republican Party just throw names in a hat and pick one? And before I go on, you HAVE to know that I do not vote simply along party lines. I always consider each candidate as an individual. I've voted for Democrats and Republicans alike in the 16 years that it has been legal for me to vote in this country. So this in NOT a partisan platform I'm preaching from here. Seriously though?? Sarah Palin??? I encourage you to read this letter to Sarah from a fellow blogger, and mother of a child with Down's Syndrome. It just skims the surface really.

Now, realize this is just me venting. I *know* the opposition. There are people near and dear to me, in my own family, who completely disagree with me. But today I'm feeling vocal...so just deal with it. :)

Who's that star??

Hurricanes in September

William is cracking me up whenever anyone mentions the recent Hurricane Ike. See, Ike hit Ohio too. Wild I know...a hurricane in Ohio. But it happened. And it left us without power for a few days. Much like when we lived in Alabama in 2004 and were hit with Hurricane Ivan...and lost power for several days.

So now if you talk about hurricanes with William, you will find out quickly that he's "lived through two hurricanes, that both start with the letter "I" and both happened in September." I just love that boy!!

Finding Fall...

I admit it. I am one of those very few people in the world who enjoys the weather much more when it's cold than on those sweltering hot, blazing sun summer days. Most people I admit that to think I'm crazy. And now-a-days, most people might assume that it's because I'm fat, so the blubber provides an added level of insulation that makes summer heat unbearable. Not so. I've loved winter since long before I started packing on the extra pounds. There is just something about the fall and winter seasons that are magically wonderful to me.

Here it is, Sept. 26, and I'm ready for summer to be over already. But I'm being teased. Mother Nature is playing games with me and I'm getting too old for games. It is officially fall and I am officially ready to break out the sweaters. I am almost giddy to walk to my car in the morning and find the air around me crisp and cool against my face....ahhhhhh, fall. But no, by the time lunch rolls around, the heat is on full blast in that great big space known as outside. It's cruel to do this to a person...really.

I'm longing for the seasons that bring not only the swirling leaves and sparkling snowflakes, but the snow angels, pumpkin carving, windburned cheeks, and twinkling colored lights. I want to write our names in the snow, bake delicious fall pies, and cuddle under the blankie with the kids. Do you hear me Mother Nature...quit playing around with me and bring it on already!!

Adjectives

William's class is learning to liven up their writing with "describing words." On the first day of the lesson, they were told to make a list of 5 words that describe themselves. Here is his list, just the way he spelled it:

1. blonde (teacher wrote that one on the board, so it was spelled correctly)
2. Atism (Autism--not bad)
3. hansim (this one was my favorite :)
4. funy (the "f" was backwards too)
5. krote (he hasn't taken karate since he was 4!!)

Drinks for everyone!!!

Crave on!

Between September 26 and October 10 donate $2 to Autism Speaks at any Central Ohio White Castle and you will receive a drink card for three small drinks. Check this link for a location near you! While supplies last. Cards can be redeemed through December 31, 2008.

It's almost here!!!!

On Sunday, October 12 I will be walking for Autism!! Hopefully we'll be met with a beautiful, crisp, clear, autumn morning, but I'll be there rain or shine!!! If you are interested in joining and/or supporting our team, Walking for William, just click on one of the following links, and THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!

Follow this link to visit the team page for Walking for William.

Follow this link to visit Cyndee Whitaker's page.

Too big...

One of the many things that I have always loved about my relationship with William is that he didn't have that "not in front of my friends" mentality when it came to public displays of affection from his mom. His friends, relatives, and classmates all have it. But not my son. Lucky me!! He will hold my hand, give me bear hugs, and sweet kisses no matter where we are or who is around.

Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity to accompany the kids to school in the morning (Evie had a program for parents). I was thrilled that William, despite being a big third grader, would still let me hold his hand as we walked into the building. He also asked me to walk him to his classroom. But then it started happening...when we reached the hallway intersection where we would make our final turn and then head to his room, he did the unthinkable...he dropped my hand! And when we reached the doorway of his classroom, he looked at me with his big eyes and said, "I can go in by myself, Mom" with a look of "dear Lord don't let my mom kiss me here" on his face. *sigh* I guess he gotten there. To that place where he is just "too big" for me to play mom in front of his friends. To that place where image matters, being "cool" matters, being a "man" matters. I never thought this day would come. I hoped and prayed this day wouldn't come. But it did, and somehow, today, he's not just a little kid anymore...

*SIGH*

Too boring???

Yep, that's me...too boring. My 6 random things weren't exciting enough...or weird enough...or...or...

Okay, so here are a few more random things about me...

1. Emory boards make me nauseous. Seriously. Not only can I not stand to have MY nails filed, I can't stand to be around someone else filing their own nails. I get queasy and my gag reflex is tested.

2. I dip my sausage and bacon in syrup. I thought everybody did this, but I've grossed out a few breakfast companions in my day. My kids both do it now too...

3. When I get dressed, I always start on the right...right arm first in the shirt, right leg first in the pants, right sock first, right shoe...still boring...

4. I really miss my college days. I took them for granted...and now they're gone.

5. Shows I love to watch: Dexter, House, Big Bang Theory, The Shield, Oz...still boring...

6. I've had a crush on three of my teachers in my lifetime.

7. I wouldn't touch raw chicken until I was 24...still don't like to do it. BLECH! I don't know how Chris touches some of the things he cooks. Hmmmmmm...between this and the emory board thing, I wonder where William gets his sensory issues??

8. I challenged myself to come up with 10 more random things and I'm so boring I'm having trouble coming up with those 10 things.

9. My job is boring and tedious, and so easy a monkey could do it, but I will never leave because they pay me really well, allow me to be flexible with my schedule for the sake of the kids, and my boss is a really great guy.

10. Some of the craft activities I buy for the kids to do are really so I can play with them too...shrinky dinks is a good example.

Overscheduled??

A while ago, Evie went to a couple sessions with a psychologist (long story...). This psychologist suggested, in front of Evie of course, that she be allowed to try as many activities as she wants to as long as it is affordable and does not overly exert the family as a whole. Greeeaaattt...thanks lady! Here is what Evie has on her schedule this year...so far...

Spanish, Tap, Ballet, Jazz Competition Line, Cheerleading, Musical Theatre, and Gymnastics. She may be adding Hip Hop to the mix. But she's so white that she glows so is that really appropriate?

Oh, and don't forget school...

Anyone wanna job as a chauffeur??

i've been TAGGED!!!

I've never been tagged before! I feel so special. My friend Stephanie tagged me with this little challenge...

Just follow the rules below and let the person know you tagged 'em!
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post these rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

Six random things, huh? This could be difficult for me...I'm pretty boring :)

1. I'm totally addicted to period piece movies and books. I could read/watch Jane Austen's stories over and over and over and over.
2. I was always the goodie-two-shoes because I'm a wuss but always wanted the courage to be the rebel child.
3. When I'm by myself in the car, I turn the stereo up really loud, sing along at the top of my lungs, and dance in my seat (but when the kids are with me the radio is usually off).
4. I have to sleep with my feet sticking out from the bottom of the covers (so does Evie...hereditary??)
5. Funny people make me more jealous of them than pretty people...I would love to be one of those quickly witty people that can always make others laugh.
6. I've always wanted to go to Greece and I have no idea why.

Okay, so now I'm supposed to tag 6 people...do I even KNOW 6 people with blogs well enough to tag them? I mean, Stuffy's (Stephanie) already done it, so I guess I gotta tag Chris, and Ronda, and Ellen (though I think she may have already done this?...), and anyone else who may want to play along.

Growing up

When, oh please Lord WHEN will my 85 pound son realize he's not so little anymore and stop leaping on me like he's got the prowess of a cat??

Funnies from William...

Watching Scooby Doo on Sunday, one of the characters called another a "scaredy cat." He said, "Hey, he's not a scaredy cat, he's a scaredy HUMAN!"

Cocooned (wrapped tightly in a blanket) last night, starting wriggling across the carpet like a worm...cute!

I asked him if he was excited about school starting: "I'm excited! But I don't wanna go."

I know you're out there :-)

Hey all! I just wanted to give a shout out to my silent lurker...LORI! Hi Lori!!

Chris told me you're here...blame him. HA!

It's officially back-to-school season...

The kids have picked up their packets and know who their teachers will be. The supplies are purchased. There are new clothes. New haircuts are next on the agenda. They are getting excited. There is one week left...

4 Posts in ONE day???

Heehee...I really should be working...shhhhhhhh!

Just putting this out there that I will be participating in the Autism Speaks Walk Now for Autism on Sunday, October 12!!! You can join the "Walking for William" team and walk with us and/or offer a donation!!!!

My personal webpage for this event is:
http://www.walknowforautism.org/columbus/personal/cyndeewhitaker
or you can go to the walknowforautism site and search for the Columbus, Ohio walk and team "Walking for William!"

Thanks!!!

Doesn't get much cuter than this... (stole from Chris' blog--ha!)

Lasting Impressions

This past weekend, my friend Chris was in town from NYC (YAY!!). I'll get into that more later, but I got to see him briefly at a group happy hour on Friday night, and then again on Sunday afternoon when the kids and I met up with he and Keith at the home of our former 5th grade teacher, Mr. Will.

I'd like to say that what drew us back to that teacher was just a sheer coincidence, nothing more than chance. But sadly, that's not the case. I had read in the paper about his wife dying of a heart attack. My heart hurt for him. That man had such an amazing impact on my life.

We had moved to Ohio from Kansas that summer and he was my first teacher at my new school. I was late my first day of class because I wasn't shown as bring registered at yet, and therefore hadn't been assigned a teacher. I have a certain level of social anxiety anyway, so walking into that classroom after it had already started the mornings activities was MORTIFYING for me. I was mortified even more when this most beloved teacher made a joke about me being late and it was only the first day. I still remember what I was wearing...that's how vivid that day is to me.

There were two "Cindys" in the class that year, so he asked me if he could call me by my initials, "CB." I hated it, but I was new, shy, intimidated, and friendless, so I agreed. By year's end, it seemed like a term of endearment. And my friends called me "CB" until Jr. High. Ugh!

We had moved to Ohio to be closer to my father, but the relationship between my father and I continued to be sparce and strained. In my mind, Mr. Will had become like a surrogate father. He made me laugh, his lessons were unforgettable, he took an interest in all of our struggles and successes, and he showed true compassion for his students. On more than one occasion, this little dark-haired girl who wore her heart on her sleeve would end up in tears. He would take me out and say something funny and tell me I was a good kid, to ignore what the bullies had to say, and I would feel so much better. I even got to the point where everyday, before I left for home, I would ask if I could have a hug...and I would get one.

The day before Spring Break, I must have been even more chatty than usual, because I was assigned a 500 work essay on why I was talking, that I had to complete over break. Well, I had been warned...3 times. I wasn't angry at the assignment, I wasn't upset that I would have to spend some of my much-beloved break-time freedom trying to explain that I was asking for help on a math assignment, I was devastated because I felt like I had let down Mr. Will, let down a parent.

He was the first person in my life who, on a regular basis, made me feel worthwhile; that I was smart enough, strong enough, and worthy enough to do whatever I wanted, to be whoever I wanted. I don't think there is any special reason for this. I do not think I got any extra attention, any extra effort, any extra input from him than he gave the rest of his students, than he continues to give his students, but he still made such a huge impression on me....just by being him.

This post just doesn't do justice.

He's Graduating...

Okay, not actually graduating, but...

William has gone as far as he can with outpatient OT. They will transition him into the new school year (at a new school) and then at the end of September they are turning him loose! YAY WILLIAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go see it...

...it totally lives up to the hype.

Every day...

...I look in this face and I am amazed at how quickly she is growing up. She's not a baby anymore.






I do not worry about her, because she is SO smart.


I do not worry about her, because she is so compassionate.


I do not worry about her, because she is so beautiful.


I do not worry about her, because she is so strong.


I do not worry about her, because she is so thoughtful.




I worry about her, because although it seems she does, she does not truly know all of this for herself.

Shout out to the NYC!

I've been having several "email conversations" lately with an old friend of mine, Chris (his blog link is on the left), who is dreadfully far away in New York. It's made me realize 2 things (okay, maybe more than that, but those others aren't the point of this post):

1. I really miss him. I've known him for *cough* years, since we were mere kids essentially, and he ALWAYS knew how to make me laugh and is the most sincere, sympathetic listener.

2. I really miss having friends. Real, actual, call all the time friends. I think I've gotten so caught up in being an adult and parent that I've forgotten how that feels. That is is actually necessary to surround yourself with people who make you happy, who enrich your daily existence.

If I had to sit down, here and now, today, and count my friends...well...I don't think it would take long. Planning to change that soon, I hope.

HUH?

Ummmmm...I just realized that my blog header shows up twice over there <-----

Wonder how long it's been doing that?

I'll have to fix it later.

Hmmmm...

Hmmmmm...

I just read this on another blog. It is a quote by CS Lewis.

"There is someone I love, even though I don’t approve of what he does. There is someone I accept, though some of his thoughts and actions revolt me. There is someone I forgive, though he hurts the people I love the most. That person is me. There are plenty of things I do that I don’t like, but if I can love myself without approving all I do, I can also love others without approving of all they do."

The Little Firecracker That Could

My sweet boy is 8 today!! Happy Birthday William!

I figured it out...

I now understand how to know when you are officially old. When I was younger, I would watch the Oscars retrospective of all the great celebrities that had died that year. I wouldn't know any of them. Well, maybe one or two who lost their lives too soon, too young.

Now it seems I know them all. It's so sad. Some of them are people I really admired, some who made me laugh (Harvey!), some who made me cry, and some who made me swoon. I don't know why I thought they'd live forever. Life has a funny way of making you face your own mortality.

Saying goodbye

Parenting is a difficult business. I am often filled with doubt, confusion, guilt, and frustration over the job that *I* feel I am doing as a parent. I often feel that my kids are wonderful depsite the mother they have and can't figure out how that's happening. But then every once in a while, you get small glimmers that maybe you aren't doing such a bad job afterall. Every now and then, someone comes along at just the right moment and let's you know that you are on the right track. Every so often you can take a step back and look at the big picture and know that everything will be okay.

Yesterday was one of those moments. It was the last day of school for the kids.

Each year this has been an emotional process for me. I've loved the teachers and therapists for that year, and there has ALWAYS been a goodbye. In 2006, it was William leaving the school where he attended kindergarten for a new district. In 2007, it was the transferring of a much beloved teacher to another district. She was instrumental in getting us where we are with William receiving help in the schools and I am still so very appreciative of that. She'll never fully understand what she's done for us.

This year, the kids are saying goodbye to their school to transfer to a new district next year. This time was even harder than the last. William formed an AMAZING bond with his teacher. And so did I. Evie's teacher was the sweetest ever. We had all formed attachments to the people in that building, even those that didn't ever work directly with the kids. We were just "known" there...by everyone it seemed. It was sad to say goodbye.

But saying goodbye gave me those moments I was talking about. In the process of making the rounds yesterday afternoon, I heard so many amazing comments about my kids, my family. From everyone. I heard things like: "This school needs more kids like yours," "This school needs more parents like you," "Evie was absolutely the light of that classroom," "I have never seen a child sweeter than William," "You're kids are amazing. You just don't see kids like them much anymore," "He was the bright spot in a otherwise horrible year," "(New school) is so lucky to be getting those kids," "You must be doing something right, because these two are just absolutely wonderful." And it went on from there. Non-stop for over half an hour. The sincerity in these comments was overwhelming. I didn't hear the teachers talking to any one else this way. I received more hugs on that school yard yesterday than I've gotten in years. My kids got hugs so heartfelt that the adults almost didn't want to let go. I saw tears in the eyes of these adults. Over my kids. It was amazing to witness.

And through it all, I've realized, that in that moment it didn't matter how I felt about my parenting on the inside. The guilt, the doubt, the confusion. Those two amazing, bright, wonderful, happy, smart, loving kids made the whole school believe that they have a good mom that helped them become that way. I know that my kids are amazing, sweet, wonderful human beings, but I still doubt how much of a role I've played in that. I guess every so often it's okay to take a step back, look at your materpieces before you, and take a little bit of credit for at least making the effort. I've got great material with which to work.

WTH?

I've said it before and I'll say it again...I'm a worrier. No matter how much I am able to rationalize with one part of my brain, the other parts just don't follow along and listen, and so I worry.

Did I really need one more thing to worry about...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24982210/

Yes, the odds are SLIM, but I don't think I will ever have my kids near water again without thinking about this. 'Cause that's how I roll. :)

Overheard on Comedy Central...

"The only exercise I get lately is mood swings."

HA!

Class of 2008

Actually, she's class of 2020?!?!?!?!

Evie has graduated. From Kindergarten. I feel like this is the last "little kid" thing that she will do. She's always seemed old for her age. 5 going on 15. But now I feel like it's official. She's a big kid. A first grader.

She's already had her first day of school, learned to read, lost her first tooth, had her first crush.

She confidently struts into a building on her own. She no longer needs me there to walk her in, to hold her hand, to show her the way. She's always been fiercely independent, but now I find myself able to ALLOW her to be. I no longer have to say, "I know you can do it yourself, but I'm going to help you out this time." Because truth is, now she CAN do it...whatever "it" is. And I sit back, filled with pride at the young lady she's becoming, filled with sadness at how quickly her childhood is passing.

But at the end of the night, no matter how grown-up her day, she still wants Mommy to tuck her in, to snuggle with her for "just a few more minutes," to kiss her boo boos, and scare away the dark. I guess she's not so grown up yet afterall.

Autism: The Musical

In March of 2008, HBO premiered this documentary, mainly about 5 autistic kids, their parents, and their director, as they wrote and rehearsed an original musical for the Miracle Project.

It was released on DVD in May so of course, to the top of the Netflix queue it went.

If you like documentaries, this is a great one. Even if I couldn't relate to the subject matter at all, this is a great one. They highlight 5 of the musicals participants...a wonderful way of showing just how broad of a spectrum the Autism Spectrum actually can be. These kids all exhibit different "symptoms" of the disorder. Neal is non-verbal but very smart, Henry is overly-obsessed with dinosaurs and reptiles and often retreats to be alone in crowds, Lexi's echolalia is profound and she is becoming interested in boys, Adam is always on the go and wanders off frequently, Wyatt is highly verbal and hates being in a special education classroom but fears the bullies of being mainstreamed.

You get to meet the parents, too, and see how Autism affects them. Lexi's parents are right in the middle of a divorce, Neal's parents are already divorced, Adam's father had an affair for 16 months after his diagnosis, Henry's dad (you'll recognize him) sees how he may be on the spectrum himself, and Wyatt's parents seek legal help in finding a school to fit his needs.

Check it out. I haven't given away too much, and you certainly can't get the deep emotional aspects from what I've written here. It's not a bad way to spend 90 minutes of your day.

Do we really need ears?

Seriously? Because I almost think William might be better off without them. His ears have given this kid nothing but trouble since day one. In the last 8 years (okay, almost 8), he has had probably 40 ear infections (I'm not kidding! His first one was at 4 DAYS old!), ruptured an eardrum about 8 times (maybe more--I stopped counting), had two surgeries for tube placement, had his tonsils & adenoids removed because they were larger than average and it was believed they were part of the culprit, and a tympanoplasty (made a new eardrum from a skin graft taken from behind his ear).

The tympanoplasty was last year in April. That's how he got to spend his spring break. And he hadn't had an ear infection since. Until yesterday. Those dreaded words..."My ears feel funny." I didn't waste any time. Off to the clinic. Yep, both ears, so red and buldging that she couldn't even tell he'd ever had even one surgery.

I swear I should buy amoxicillin by the gallon. Or own stock at the very least. So I ask again, do we really need ears?

She has a softer side...

I talk a lot about Evie's strong-will. And temper. She has a "mean face" that trumps any other I've seen before. She's a bull-head and damn sure of herself. The term "fiesty" has been used repeatedly to describe her.

I like it. I don't worry about her much. She is definitely capable of taking care of herself.

BUT, that girl has a sweet side, too. Upon cleaning her room and emptying her backpack, I often find little hand-written statements of "I love Mommy." In mass quantity. What a great feeling I get when I find those!

William had been home sick for 2 days. Yesterday, when she arrived home from school, she reached her little hand into her backpack and pulled out a folded paper with a big red heart on it and handed it to him. Inside, in the sweetest little kindergarten handwriting were the words, "I hope you feel better. From, Evie." I actually had to choke back a tear.

My heart is breaking...

... for this little boy.

Read the story for yourself here: http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/may/24/30gtteacher-lets-students-vote-out-classmate-5/

Kids are cruel enough on their own without the help of an adult authority figure that they look to as an example. Whether this child had ANY diagnosis or not is irrelevant.

So Blessed!

Last Friday, as I drove the kids home from school, they rambled on excitedly about the construction paper gifts and cards, and dixie cup flower pots they had made for me at school for Mother's Day. It was so sweet. But the best gifts of all came that day from William and then yesterday from Evie.

William, on that same car ride, looked at me, smiled, grabbed my hand in his, and said, "You are so rare to me."

Evie, yesterday, seemingly preoccupied with writing her birthday party invitee list in her Hannah Montana notebook, said, "Mom, can I tell you something? I love you. You are such a special person."

I melted.

"Frankly my dear..."

We all use them. Not a day goes by that I don't hear at least 2 or 3 just in my office alone. So I'm curious...which movie quotes do you use on a regular basis?

Mommy Guilt

For the most part, I think that I am a fair and reasonable parent. I get upset about the things that I SHOULD get upset about, am patient when the situation calls for it, don't expect more than they are capable of, but don't let them get away with things. I allow them to plead their case and try to make sure that the punishment fits the crime.

But every so often it hits you...the guilt. Getting angry a little too quickly. Overreacting a little too much. A bad day that shortens your fuse combined with having to repeat yourself over and over and over again. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life I've felt worse than when I think I may have been (way) too harsh. (I don't spank, so don't get the wrong idea). Yesterday was one of those days. I felt it as soon as I laid them down to sleep, and it wouldn't go away. As soon as they were in dreamland, I went to cuddle, and kiss them on the cheek, and whisper an apology and a promise that tomorrow I would be better.

It is tomorrow. It is already better.

Earth Day

I find it amusing to some degree that Evie's class learned about and celebrated Earth Day this week by bringing home about a trees worth of paper that will most likely end up in the trash.

Feeling their pain...

Wow. I've had so many friends contact me with struggles lately. It's so sad. I really wish there was a way to help them all. It seems like everyone I know is going through something...

• friend with undiagnosed illness...has to go through MORE yucky testing. It's been months now.
• friend with everything happening at once...car needs new tires, leaks in new house, broken dryer, son starting speech therapy...you all know how it goes, "when it rains, it pours."
• friend of my sister (and me, but not close) whose dad just passed away suddenly...they are like family to my sister.
• friend whose 18-year-old nephew was just diagnosed with stage IV cancer (there is no stage V...stage V is death).
• friend who is pregnant (and radiant!)...due anytime really...concerned because in the past she has had to leave her babies behind in the NICU for a few weeks.
• my own son...upset because he is changing occupational therapist. Tomorrow is his last day with his current one...but we will keep in touch with her. She's amazing!
• father-in-law's dad just had a heart attack and subsequent surgery. The kids call him "Papa Harris."

Please think good thoughts for everyone. I know I am praying hard for each of them.

Cousins from the 'hood

WTH??

Work it, girl

I think my daughter wants to be a model. She went to the OSU spring game with her aunts and cousins and spent their tailgating time posing for pictures on my nephew's truck (or dancing like Beyonce). I think I'm in trouble.

More fun from the world of autism :)

When William has a question or problem, the world has to stop until it's solved. When he is certain of something, he won't budge. Cases in point:

• At school, they use magnetic letters to practice spelling words. William wouldn't do it yesterday because the letters weren't shaped right. They curved a little on the ends. So he had to get a new set of letters that were perfectly straight.
• Also at school, they are writing letters to pen pals in Idaho. They are giving info. about the state of Ohio in their letters. He refused to finish his because no one could tell him how the Black Kingsnake got its name. He wanted to know and couldn't get past it. Horrible to say, but I think I would have made something up to tell him so that he could quit obsessing and get back to work.
• He hates spiders. All of a sudden. During silent reading, the book he was into suddenly had a page about spiders. He backed away from his desk and wouldn't touch the book again. Someone else had to close it and move it away from him.
• When working on irregular plurals, his teacher asked them for the plural of "fox." She was looking for "foxes" of course, but William KNOWS that a group of foxes is called a "pack." So he wrote pack. She told him what she was actually looking for, but he refused to write it. Because more than one fox are not foxes. They are a pack.
• He had a daily schedule that he could check off throughout the school day to help him transition from one activity to the next, as this is usually difficult for him. The schedule had to be abandoned because if the schedule said math started at 1:15 and it was 1:12, he wouldn't start it. Also, if the teacher decided to do calendar after weather instead of before, he would get upset and tell her she wasn't following the schedule.

Question

Here is another question and my answer...I hope it helps. :)

I do have one question I don't think I saw an answer to, and it's something M does which makes me wonder:
Did William ever have issues when waking from naps? Every time M wakes up from a nap, he is distraught and will cry for up to an hour afterwards. It seems like a sensory awareness thing with him.
I still think there is something more to him than just needing speech therapy, especially since he has the echolalia so much. He also has his own sensory issues. I just don't know...I am still working on getting him assessed. Guess it's my mommy instinct kicking in.

The first thing I want to say...always trust your mommy instincts. Even if they are wrong, its always better to know. Doctors told me for YEARS that there was nothing wrong, and then, all of a sudden it was, "we should have him evaluated for anxiety issues." You never know. Bottom line, earliest possible intervention is crucial.

As for the answer...well, not really. He did react like that coming out of the anesthesia-induced slumber for his surgeries (he's had 3), but not on a regular basis. Quite the opposite actually. If allowed to wake on his own time, he is generally overly pleasant. I have on occasion seen the disorientation, but its usually accompanied by a complete "zone-out" where he doesn't even seem to understand the words you are saying to him. This can last for quite a while, too. However, I have heard of this described by other parents of kids with autism. It's easy to understand why they call these developmental disorders a "spectrum"--you'd be hard pressed to find 2 kids that present with the EXACT same issues.

And I do believe what he is experiencing is a sensory awareness thing, too. The sights, sounds, smells, even the air temperature in a room can be a lot for the body to react to when first coming out of slumber. It's sometimes amazing to me exactly what William is aware of that I don't seem to notice. Could be the creases on the skin from the pillowcase or bedsheets, the sound of the washing machine or dishwasher running in the background, someone's car radio outside, the smell of the air. BUT, this doesn't necessarily mean autism either. I'm sure that there are plenty of kids that do this that aren't autistic. Everyone has some kind of sensory issues. Not everyone has autism. :)

Also, more FYI, autistic kids are known for their sleep problems...not sleeping/having difficulty falling asleep, waking frequently, thrashing, nightmares, etc. We just happened to luck out--big time! William is an excellent sleeper and has been his entire life. He rarely fights bedtime and falls asleep easily. As a baby, we could put him in his crib fully awake and standing up, and he would lay himself right down and never make a peep. These days, we have found that even when he is extremely "elevated" and you wouldn't think he would EVER fall asleep, all we have to do is wrap him tightly in a blanket (we call it "cocooning"--not sure how that's spelled), and he will fall right to sleep, sometimes in mere seconds. When he wakes up, you can almost always tell what he was thinking about when he fell asleep, or at least what he was dreaming about, because he will start to talk about it right away.

Autism Awareness continued...

Okay, this time I'll answer some of the questions I've gotten about my specific experiences with parenting a child with autism. Turn back now if you aren't interested :)

How did you react to William’s diagnosis?
With relief. He was already 5 ½ and half way through kindergarten. He had been on a waiting list for over a year and I just wanted him to have access to whatever help he deserved. The night before the call saying that he was now scheduled for an evaluation, he was curled up in the fetal position on my bed, sobbing his eyes out, punching himself in the head and saying over and over, “I don’t know what’s wrong!” I was ready for answers, and so was he.

How did your life change after he was diagnosed?
It didn’t too much, really. I still had/have the same expectations for his life. I still parent him similar to the way I did before because I’ve always been able to tell when it was him just being a pain and when something just wasn’t right. I just understand it all better now, and can use more specific forms of comfort that I know will help more than others. Scheduling the therapies and attending all the meetings have been the biggest changes so far.

What’s the most difficult thing about having a child with autism?
Nothing that has to do with him directly! BY FAR, it is getting other people to truly understand and accept. He is now at a point where some of the behaviors that are “normal” for him, but somewhat socially unacceptable, are not brushed off as “he’s just a kid/little boy” like they used to be, but rather that he is “too old” to be behaving like that. Even when people, including friends and family, KNOW the reasons, they still don’t quite understand enough to just accept it and let it go or trust my instincts with him. The other difficult thing is when he is having a really “off” day (which is rare) and it seems that no matter what you try, you just can’t help him feel any better. As a parent, that is really hard to deal with.

Does William know he’s autistic?
Short answer, “yes.” Long answer: I don’t think he really understands, but I’ve told him, just recently, that he has autism. I explained that the only thing that really means is that his brain works differently than most of his friends’. I pointed out that this is what makes him picky about what he likes to do and not do, eat and not eat, touch and not touch. For years, he has explained being on sensory overload as his “brain going crazy” or being “confused,” so I told him that autism is what causes that. I emphasized that it doesn’t mean there is anything “wrong” with him or that he isn’t smart. I told him that this is the reason he gets (not has) to go to Speech and Occupational Therapy, which is a bonus to him ‘cause they’re fun. I told him we aren’t trying to “fix” him because he’s not broken, we are just trying to give him some ideas for things that might make him feel better when he’s having those moments. I hadn’t hidden it from him before this, but we just never sat down for a heart-to-heart about it. He hasn’t mentioned it since.

Isn't "Autism" capitalized, since its a proper noun?
Technically, yes, but I use the little "a" sometimes, not always, to take some of the power away from the word. When it's capitalized, it just looks so commanding in the sentence. I'm taking the focus off of it and putting it on William. It doesn't bother me to have it either way.

Any other questions?

Cutie Cousins

Thanks to my big sis for these pictures from Easter - too cute. Here are the cousins:

The Girls...Evie, Caris, Olivia, Tristan

Zoe (who was too sick for the all girls pic)...
The Boys...Peter, Seth, Evan, William, Aaron, Ethan

Yep, its still Autism Awareness Month :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhScvPYXunc

I get a lot of questions, mostly from parents of young children, about how or when I knew that William might have autism. I think they are looking for the warning signs...either so they know what to look for, or to put their minds at ease over some nagging concern. Truth be told, there were several times in his young life that I had concerns that SOMETHING was wrong, but the thought of autism never came to me on my own. When William was 3, I was discussing concerns with my younger sister about his speech and lack of attachments to others, and she was the one who first mentioned the word "autism" to me. I will forever be grateful to her and applaud her courage for doing so.

But like I said, even before that day, and WAY before he was ever diagnosed, I had nagging feelings that there was something going. And upon reflection during his diagnostic process, well, as they say, "hindsight is 20/20." Here are just a few of the things that cause concern, most of which I actually spoke with his pediatricians about, and most of which I dismissed and 1st time parent paranoia and over-analyization. This list is in no way complete:

• As a newborn, William never cried. Sounds like heaven right? And it was wonderful to have such a great baby! But it still made me wonder. Even in the hospital on the day he was born, he just barely cried. When they released us to go home, I asked a nurse why his hands and feet were blue and she said, "because he hasn't really cried to help increase the circulation to his extremities." This continued throughout his infancy...hungry, wet, sick, tired...no crying.
• Along those same lines, typically, a baby in a room full of other babies that are crying will have an "empathy" response and begin crying as well. William never did this. His nursery workers LOVED him and would ask on a daily basis things like "Is he always this quiet?" and "Does he ever cry?" I witnessed this first-hand one day when I picked him up early. 7 other babies were all crying their eyes out...and my sweet boy was laying still, staring straight ahead. He did not respond when he saw me come to pick him up. In hindsight, it can be assumed that he was "zoning out" because of the extreme sensory input of all the babies crying.
• I once thought he might have hearing problems. He always had ear infections, so I became concerned about his hearing once when I realized he wasn't really responding to his name, or many other noises. His hearing was checked and he was fine. This is actually a common occurrence for kids on the spectrum. To this day, he often won't respond when someone calls his name.
• He didn't care for his infant swing. He wouldn't cry, but when he was in it, he would ALWAYS look up and to the right. I have photographic evidence. It always seemed so strange to me. Again, he was probably either zoning out or focusing on one small moving mechanism at the top of the swing. He does not like to swing in a traditional back-and-forth motion to this day!
• He lost speech. Well, actually, it just kind of "changed" and sounded worse. He went from saying "dat do" for "thank you" -- 2 very distinct words that were similar and age appropriate, to something that sounded like "dow" where it was all just run together. There were others too.
• Speech delay was a big one. I started asking everyone around me about his speech from the time he was 18 months old. I just knew he was behind. His "classmates" at preschool were all talking circles around him, and much clearer. Everyone said I was crazy. At his 4 year check-up, the pediatrician was still hesitant to have him evaluated, but said that since I had been concerned for so long, we should take him just to see. He tested in the 3rd, that's right THIRD, percentile for kids his age. He was dropping almost every middle and ending sound and was only understood by me. He was looking to me to talk for him when people didn't understand him. (We've come a long way, baby!)
• He didn't make "connections" with people. He never seemed to notice or care about people coming into and out of his life. He never really went through the "separation anxiety" phase that kids go through. Though he was/is affectionate, he just didn't seem to connect on any level. Even I was concerned and frustrated that I felt as though he didn't seem to care whether I was around...and I am his MOM!
• On those same lines, he never sought attention. Most babies/kids want attention...all the time. They are constantly talking and pointing and tugging and crying and, well, you get the idea. William has never been like this. He actually tends to avoid attention.
• Oh, my, the obsessions. He always has at least one. They occupy his every waking, and sometimes sleeping, moment. The first one we noticed was Buzz Lightyear. It lasted for quite a while. Then there was Spiderman, Pokemon, Polar Bears, Ben 10, etc. He will talk, fantasize, role-play, draw, write about, watch, read his obsessions for hours on end. And don't try to distract him with something else...it won't work. He will even name all pets, stuffed animals, even friends after it. I think we had 6 fish named "Spiderman" at one point.
• Difficulty with social interactions. This is a big one, and the one that took me the longest time to notice. When he sees a group of kids he wants to play with, he will just walk up and stand right next to one of them. Doesn't say anything, just stands. And his idea of a conversation, unless it involves one of his current obsessions, is to take turns telling jokes or naming your favorite animal. He is learning "scripts" in speech therapy...questions that are polite to ask, how to respond, how to start and stop conversations, etc. and so what we are seeing now is that he will ask these questions ("How was your day?"), but not wait for the answer before changing back to the topic of obsession or jokes.
• He doesn't interpret tone of voice, facial expressions, or gestures correctly. If you say his name and he actually responds, he will almost always think he is in trouble. He doesn't always understand if you try to kid around with him. He takes what you say very literally...if you say "cut it out," he may just go get some scissors. :) He also won't pick up on things like a friend not wanting to be hugged ('cause they're tough guys, ya know), and may not stop playing a game if someone gets hurt.
• He over-reacts or under-reacts to almost everything that happens to or around him. Tantrum or oblivion...take your pick.
• He has a very HIGH pain threshhold most of the time. He would have SEVERE ear infections. He's probably ruptured one ear drum or another at least 6 times. And never once did he so much as complain. He didn't run a fever with it either. It's as if his brain just didn't understand what his ears were telling it. He also didn't have the same reactions to pain that were expected after his tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy. When he cut his head open to the skull, he stopped crying as soon as he couldn't see the blood anymore. Luckily, I've gotten pretty good at being able to tell he is ill just by the way his eyes look.
• Say it with me now, "echolalia." Look it up. :) When I first learned about this as a symptom of autism, I thought, "yea!, one he doesn't have." I was wrong. He will repeat the same phrase or question over and over until he gets the response he wants, not just any response, but the one he wants. He sometimes ends every sentence he makes with "right?" and you have to agree before he will move on. In play, his "character" will say the same thing repeatedly, or repeat conversations from a TV episode verbatim. When he talks about something he learned in school or from a book, it will be word-for-word the way he heard it or read it...every time he says it.
• DON'T MAKE CHANGES TO THE PLAN!!! If you say we are going to school, then Target, then home, don't even think about adding a trip to the bank in there, or asking if anyone wants to go for ice cream...that wasn't part of the plan, man! And things better always happen the same way, too. Every visit to the grocery store has to include getting marshmallows, every visit to Grandpa Chip's has to include the trampoline, every trip to the gas station will be met with, "can we go in and get bug juice?," every ride to OT has to include a conversation about what birds you like the best. If he played LEGOS with you the first time he came over, guess what you're supposed to play EVERY time he comes over? :)
• Can you say SENSORY ISSUES? Since day one. Liked to be wrapped TIGHT (I know, what baby doesn't?--remember the whole 20/20 thing :) Hated jeans...called them "hard pants." No finger painting please...nothing that gets the hands messy. No swinging, sliding, twirling, throwing in the air. Nothing that gets those 2 feet from being firmly on the ground. He even hated walking up and down ramps (like wheelchair ramps). Chews on EVERYTHING. If it's in his hand or near his face, it will end up in his mouth. He doesn't notice when his face is messy, clothes are twisted, underwear is on backwards, someone is touching his shoulder. Doesn't like to have his face touched...ever. Doesn't like his mattress...would rather sleep on his hard floor in a very cramped space with the fan blowing on him. He says its more comfortable. Hates noise (seems to hear things no one else can). And crowds...nothing will set off the stereotypical autism behaviors in him like crowds.

Wow. There's way more I could write, but I'll stop because I've already gone on way too long. Any questions? :)

DEPRESSION SUCKS!!

I'm not talking about the "someone is very ill or died" type, or the "everything seems to be going wrong and stuff just keeps happening" type, or any other of those completely understandable types (though those suck too!).

No, I'm talking about the "everything is basically peachy, no complaints, but no matter what I do I just cannot snap myself out of it" types. That come out of nowhere. And you don't know how long it will last because there isn't any cause for it. And you should be totally happy because life is not so bad, but you just want to sleep all day and ignore everyone and everything.

It's maddening. It's like a big boatload of crazy with nowhere to dock.

More things you don't really care to know :)

I stole this from my friend Ellen. She won't mind :)

1. Where is the last place you held hands? In the parking lot of Childrens Hospital last night. Didn't want the kids to run in front of the idiots that speed through there like it's NASCAR.

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive? No way...my fellow soldiers would either kill me for being such a suck-up, or I would completely lose my mind.

3. Do you sleep with the TV on? Well, I have fallen asleep with it on, but no, I don't intentionally sleep with the TV on. My fan is a totally different story.

4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton? Ummm...I'm ashamed to say, but yes. Not recently though. ;)

5. Have you ever won a spelling bee? Yes. Against my best friend in second grade. She kicked my butt the next year to make up for it.

6. What is your longest fight with one of your friends?I haven't really "fought" with any. I've lost touch. And I've been hurt and quietly walked away without explaining why, but never really a fight.

7. Are you a fast typer? I have to be. How else can I screw off at work all day and still get everything done? :)

8. Are you afraid of the dark? Outside...yes, if I'm alone. Inside...no, I love it.

9. Do you like someone right now? Is this written for a teenager? Of course, I like some people. --I like Ellen's answer. I think I'll steal it.

10. What ended your last relationship? I was too stupid to be completely honest and put myself out there.

I guess there's no #11.

12. Do you knock on wood? At least once a day. It's become a habit at work to help ward off bad spirits :)

13. Are you drinking anything right now? Water

14. Do you think you’re smart? I never really thought so, but the older I get and the more people I have to deal with, I'm beginning to think I might just be smarter than the average bear.

15. Have you ever eaten a bug? Oh, I'm sure I probably have. I just don't want to think about the possibility for too long...

16. Do you miss someone right now? Yes, several people...sometimes that feeling is completely overwhelming.

17. What do you want for Christmas? A million dollars. No? How about half a million then?

18. Do you know the muffin man? Yeah. He lives on Drury Lane.--Love it Ellen, that's exactly what I would have put!

19. Do you talk in your sleep? No. But I have a long history of grinding my teeth that I have passed on to my son...he could wake the dead. I've even checked his mouth while asleep to make sure there wasn't something else in there!

20. Do you remember your 1st crush? Yes! His name was Craig and we had the same initials (CAB) so we always had to discuss who was going to use our middle initial for art projects.

21. Have you ever flown a kite? Yes. But I can't say I'm any good at it.

22. When was the last time that you went swimming and where? I can't even remember. I think it was at the hotel when my in-laws were visiting. I was the only adult amongst us who knew how to swim and could save the children should they start to drown.

23. Do you consider yourself successful? In some ways. Not what society considers "successful," but what do they know?

24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone? About 30...but that includes all the guys from work, all the therapists, schools, etc.

25. Have you ever asked for a horse? No, I'm secretly a little scared of them. :)

26. Plans for tomorrow? Step outside my comfort zone to host a baby shower for a friend of mine. I have a touch (okay, more than that) of social anxiety issues, so leading games in front of a bunch of grown strangers is not my usual forte.

27. What did you do this past weekend? Evie's dance competition, stamping cards and going to the movies with my sisters, and, ummm...I know there was more than that!

28. Miss being at school right now? Not right this moment, but frequently.

29. When’s the last time you told someone you loved them? Just after lunch today.

30. Do you want to be single? This could be a dangerous question, huh? Sometimes, I do think about what life would be like if I had at least stayed single longer. So, occasionally the answer could be yes.

No #31 either?!?

32. Who’s your hero? This is a tough one. I'm not really a hero-worship kind of person. First person that came to my mind is my sister Amy. She's UBER positive and strong and supportive.

33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school? No. Everyone thought I was a goody-two-shoes.

34. What are you looking forward to? Shopping with Evie this evening...mommy/daughter alone time is rare.

35. If you could be stranded with one person for 24 hours, who would it be? I'll keep it clean and say...Kelly, because I haven't seen her in forever and she always has the most interesting stories!

37. Have you ever eaten dog food? No.

38. Can you handle the truth? Sometimes...and I hate being lied to. But I'm pretty hard on myself as it is and sometimes the truth hurts.

39. Do you like green eggs and ham? Depends on why they're green.

40. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places? Purse, cell phone, keys...lame!

41. Any cool scars? One on my abdomen from a metal wheelchair swing...not cool, but how many other people can say that?

42. Are you missing in action? Depends on who you talk to.

No #43 as well...

44. What’s your deepest secret? If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore. And I just can't have that.

45. How often do you talk on the phone? I really don't like talking on the phone, but I do it daily.

46. Do you believe in love? Yes.

47. Is there something you want that you can’t have? Yes.

48. Four things about the preferred sex that you first notice? Eyes, smile, manners, stance.

49. When was your last time you cried? Today.

50. Who did you last hug? My Uncle Chris

51. Do you get along with your family? Yes. Almost entirely...though everyone has their moments :)

52. Where is your phone? In my purse...or on my desk. Which phone are you asking about?

53. What was the last thing you ate? Ham & Cheese sub

54. Favorite color? Changes daily and depends on the item...red, yellow, orange, blue

55. Last movie you saw? Keeping Mum..."On Demand" last night.

56. What song are you listening to? Whatever is playing on Don's radio (at work).

57. What do you want? Everything and nothing.

58. Favorite car? CR-V...but that's an SUV, not a car. So, I guess anything that gets me from point A to point B. I used to want a Pontiac Grand Am...does that count?

59. What T.V. show are you watching? None...I'm typing this. And if you're talking in general...I haven't been keeping up with much in the way of TV since the writers strike. Netflix is my friend.

60. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? A guy named Dave from Children's Hospital who called here about getting an estimate on some asbestos removal. Actual conversation?? My friend Karen.

Ignorance is Bliss

Every Thursday evening, William has Occupational Therapy at Children's Hospital. And every Thursday, we see the same faces sitting around in a big rectangle in the waiting area...there for occupational, physical, recreational, and/or speech therapy. Some of the kids' diagnoses are evident. Others just leave you guessing. Each child is preciously unique. They are fun to watch, listen to, and talk with. The adult family members vary wildly from reserved, rude, and cold to open, happy, and down-right likable. But one thing I've always noticed, everyone in that waiting room is nice to those kids...tolerant of those things that put them in that waiting room in the first place, accepting of their difference, patient with the loud voices, repeated questions, heavy footsteps, and stumbles in to strangers laps.

Until last night. A grandmotherly woman I'd never seen before was waiting for her granddaughter. I'd seen the little girls mother there before so thought Grandma would be just as accepting and understanding and patient. Enter "R." R is a 12 year boy. He is very large for his age (I thought he was 15 or 16!). He is autistic. And he exhibits some very stereotypical behaviors...loud voice, echolalia (repeating the same words or phrases over and over and over again), arm flapping, difficulty sitting still, unaware of "appropriate" topics of conversation with strangers. He comes with his aide rather than a parent. R is white, his aide is black. R is a great kid...very friendly, very smart. He has a younger brother who is also on the spectrum, but most likely with Asperger's Syndrome. He and his brother alternate weeks in therapy, so on this night, his brother was the one to go back for OT.

While they were waiting for the therapist, I thought to myself...wow, R is really calm tonight. He must be having a good day. Once the brother was with the therapist, R and his aide went for a walk around the hospital. And so began my conversation with Grandma (and keep in mind that I remained calm, smiling, and friendly through the whole thing and that William was sitting nearby the whole time, playing quietly):

G-ma: "Do you know what's wrong with that big kid that was sitting over here?"
Me: "He's autistic."
G-ma: "Does he always behave like that?"
Me: "Yes, he's autistic. He can't help it."
G-ma: "Well, can't they give him something to make him be quiet?"
Me: "No."
G-ma: "He must be a foster kid, so he's probably like that because he was neglected or something."
Me: "No, he's not a foster kid. Autism isn't caused by neglect."
G-ma: "Are you sure he's not a foster kid? I mean..."
Me: "I'm sure. That man he's with is his aide. His mother is still at work, so the aide brings him for OT. His dad works here in the hospital."
G-ma: "Oh...so he was just born that way and there's nothing that can be done to make him stop all that nonsense."
Me: "Yep, he was most likely born that way, and there's nothing other than these therapies that can be done to help him cope with his environment in a way that is more socially appropriate." (You would think by now that she would be catching on that perhaps my child was also autistic)
G-ma: "Well, they should consider taking him somewhere (I'm assuming she meant institutionalize him). Or at least have a separate waiting room for kids like that."
(At this point, G-ma's daughter steps in and sits between the two of us and says, "That's mean.")
Me: "Well, this technically IS the 'separate waiting area for kids like that.' That's why we're all sitting here together."
G-ma stopped talking to me after that. I still don't think she realized that William is autistic because he wasn't "acting like that." She continued to talk to her daughter about how annoying autistic kids are and how no one else should have to put up with their nonsense. Someone should control them more. Her daughter just kept saying, "that's mean." She finally said, in a stern voice, "It's NOT mean, I just don't know a lot about it."

Obviously.

AUTISM AWARENESS

April is Autism Awareness Month! While having a "flavor of the month" usually kind of irritates me (because if its worth having a "month," it probably deserves a lot more attention than that), I'm thankful for the efforts that come about in that month that may help the cause...whatever it might be.

This April, I encourage you to get involved for autism (I like using a little "a"--takes some of the power away from the word, don't you think?). This disorder can be devastating to some families. Effective therapies for these children (1 in 94 boys! 1 in 150 children total!) averages $60,000 per year for ONE child! William is on the very high end of the spectrum and without insurance or other funding, his 2 therapies each week would average over $20,000 in one year, so just imagine what it must be like for families where the child is in therapy all day, every day.

So in this post, I'm going to let you know about just a few of the ways that you can get involved. Check around in your local community and I'm sure you'll find many more this month. And at the end, I'm going to post a summary from "Ten Things Every Autistic Child Wishes You Knew." Check out the entire book from your local library to learn more :) Which brings me to the first thing you can do to get involved...

Educate yourself! There are a myriad of books and websites available on the topic. Some great, some not so great. Some I agree with wholeheartedly, others that just make me angry. All worth reading...because how can you stand firmly on what you believe and be able to defend it if you are ignorant of the opposition?

Support the national Autism Awareness campaigns! Some of these are ongoing. Toys R Us, for example, takes donations for Autism speaks at each of their registers and online. If you make a donation at the store, they'll even give you a nifty little sticker to wear to show off your support. Others are annual...like Comedy Central's The Night of Too Many Stars, hosted by Jon Stewart, on April 13th at 8:00pm EST. Check out VH1 Classic's support of the cause through their VH1 Rock Autism campaign.

Take a test drive! Okay, not really, but by taking a virtual test drive of the new Chevy Malibu via the Autism Speaks website, you're helping Chevrolet get closer to their goal of raising $1 million for autism research. What an easy way to help out!!

Take a walk! Autism Speaks puts on "Walk Now for Autism" events all over the country throughout the year. I have the pleasure of being on the committee to bring this walk to Columbus for the first time!! Can't make one of these big ones or there isn't one in your area? Check around...there are often smaller, local autism organizations that put on walks, fun runs, and marathons, especially during the month of April. Or, join our "Walking for William" team, even long distance! Contact me to find out how!!

Support corporate sponsors of autism research! I've already mentioned Toys R Us and Chevy, but others include:

Barnes & Noble--Five hundred Barnes & Noble stores across the country will partner with Autism Speaks to host special Storytimes in April as part of Autism Awareness Month

TJ Maxx--from April 6 through April 26 at 800 TJ Maxx stores nationwide, customers will be invited to purchase an Autism Speaks puzzle piece at checkout for a donation of $1. No purchase is necessary to make a donation, and all proceeds will benefit Autism Speaks

Modell's Sporting Goods--through April 26th, customers at all 135 Modell's store locations throughout the Northeast will be able to purchase $1 Autism Speaks puzzle pieces at check-out, with all proceeds being directed towards autism research

The Bachman Company --The Bachman Company recently launched its "edible awareness" campaign with delicious, new puzzle piece-shaped pretzels. The Puzzle Pretzel is now available in grocery stores in the Northeast and online at http://www.bachmanpretzels.com/. Bachman will donate five percent of the proceeds from the sale of the Puzzle Pretzels to Autism Speaks

Build-a-Bear workshops--in April your $1 donation for the purchase of a purple satin heart will be distributed through the Build-A-Bear Workshop Foundation to Autism Speaks.

Get political! Learn about the Expanding the Promise for Individuals with Autism Act of 2007 (EPIAA) and encourage your your local legislators to cosponsor.
Ask your Representative to cosponsor the "Expanding the Promise for Individuals with Autism Act of 2007" (H.R. 1881)
Ask your Senators to cosponsor the "Expanding the Promise for Individuals with Autism Act of 2007" (S. 937)

Help out! Know someone who has a child with autism? Give them the night off by offering to babysit, or run errands for them. Brainstorm all the wonderful ways you could assist a family affected by autism...the possibilities are endless and don't have to take up a lot of your time, money, or energy.

Advertise! Show your support by sporting any number of autism awareness items. There are keychains, T-shirts, window decals, buttons, tote bags, etc. I've found several that I really like at these two spots: Stitches4Autism and Cafe Press.

These are just a few of the things you can do for Autism Awareness Month. I'm sure you can come up with more on your own or find others in your area. And now, as promised, the Ten Things Every Autistic Child Wishes You Knew (sorry about the screwy spacing...that's what I get for copy & paste :) :

Note: this is not to be confused with "10 Things the STUDENT with Autism Wishes You Knew"
by Ellen Notbohm. This is a different list of things. It is focused wider on children, not just
students. -Ed.

1. I am first and foremost a child. There is more to me than a one-word description like "autistic." I know you know this. Why would you not? So, do not be concerned about calling me autistic even if others say it is wrong. It makes no difference to me if you say I am an autistic child or a child with autism. What you do about me is far more important than what you say about me, anyway. Please pay attention to my real problems and not ones made up by some adults. I already have enough problems as it is. There is no need to make up ones to add on.

If I have autism, then I am disabled by it. Saying that famous or unusual people like Einstein, or
Mozart, or Van Gogh were autistic says autism is not a disability. Those people were not
disabled. I am. You do not help me by pretending or telling others that I am not disabled, even if
that makes you feel better. I am dependent on the public's support. Telling people that I am not
disabled, only "just different", threatens my care. Please take autism seriously so others will,
too.

2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect
of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. It his means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Here is why a "simple" trip to the grocery store may be hell for me:

My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms
today's special. Musak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough, a coffee
grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting
hums. My brain can't filter all the input and I'm in overload! My sense of smell may be highly
sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn't quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn't
showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a
poopy diaper, they're mopping up pickles on aisle 3 with ammonia. I can't sort it all out. I am
dangerously nauseated.

Because I am visually oriented (see more on this below), this may be my first sense to become
overstimulated. The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it buzzes and hums. The room seems
to pulsate and it hurts my eyes. The pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I
am seeing -- the space seems to be constantly changing. There's glare from windows, too many
items for me to be able to focus (I may compensate with "tunnel vision"), moving fans on the
ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects my vestibular and proprioceptive
senses, and now I can't even tell where my body is in space.

3. Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to).
Receptive and expressive language and vocabulary can be major challenges for me. It isn't that
I don't listen to instructions. It's that I can't understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: "*&^%$#@, Billy. #$%^*&^%$&*..." Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words: "Please put your book in your desk, Billy. It's time to go to lunch." This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it is much easier for me to comply.

4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language literally. For example, to me it could
mean that I think about concrete. It could also mean that I am made of concrete. It's very
confusing for me when you say, "Hold your horses, cowboy!" when what you really mean is
"Please stop running." Don't tell me something is a "piece of cake" when there is no dessert in
sight and what you really mean is "this will be easy for you to do." When you say "It's pouring
cats and dogs," I see pets coming out of a pitcher. Please just tell me "It's raining very hard."

You may use the word "like" or "as" to help me learn to compare, but do not exaggerate. If
something is described "as cold as ice", it should really be that cold. Pick words carefully. "High
as a kite" is not the same "high" as in being drunk, yet the expression is used to compare the
two. "I play the shoe horn" is not funny to me. It is confusing. It is difficult to understand expressions that play on the different meanings of the same word. Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres, inference, metaphors, allusions, hyperbole or exaggeration, sarcasm and much of other people's humor are lost on me. I have a sense of humor. I find different things funny.

5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary. It's hard for me to tell you what I need when I
don't know the words to describe my feelings.I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or
confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express. Be alert for body
language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that something is wrong.

Or, there's a flip side to this: I may sound like a "little professor" or movie star, rattling off words
or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age. These are messages I have memorized
from the world around me to compensate for my language deficits because I know I am
expected to respond when spoken to. They may come from books, TV, the speech of other
people. It is called "echolalia." I don't necessarily understand the context or the terminology I'm
using. I just know that it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.

6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am visually oriented. Please show me how to do
something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to show me many times. Lots of
consistent repetition helps me learn. Speech and language therapists and behavior specialists
knowledgeable about autism can provide a range of learning aids tailored for me. Contact my
local school district or disability agency to help you find them.

7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do. Like any other human, I
can't learn in an environment where I'm constantly made to feel that I'm not good enough. The
autism needs fixing, not me. Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with
criticism, however "constructive," becomes something to be avoided. Look for my strengths and
you will find them. There is more than one "right" way to do most things.

8. Please help me with social interactions. It may look like I don't want to play with the other kids on the playground, but sometimes it's just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you can encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, it may be that I'm delighted to be included.
I do best in structured play activities that have a clear beginning and end. I don't know how to
"read" facial expressions, body language or the emotions of others, so I appreciate ongoing
coaching in proper social responses. For example, if I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it's
not that I think it's funny. It's that I don't know the proper response. Teach me to say "Are you
OK?"

9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. Meltdowns, blow-ups, tantrums or whatever you
want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or
more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they
can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, activities. A pattern may emerge.
Try to remember that all behavior is a form of communication. It tells you, when my words
cannot, how I perceive something that is happening in my environment. It is my situation and my autism that needs to be fixed, not me.

Parents, keep in mind as well: persistent behavior may have an underlying medical cause. Food
allergies and sensitivities, sleep disorders and gastrointestinal problems can all have profound
effects on behavior.

10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally. Banish thoughts like, "If he
would just.." and "Why can't she..." You did not fulfill every last expectation your parents had for
you and you wouldn't like being constantly reminded of it. I did not choose to have autism. But
remember that it is happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful,
self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader
than you might think. I promise you - I am worth it.

And finally, three words: Patience. Patience. Patience. Understand my autism is a disability.
Autism the disability is not some wonderful gift. It cripples. But autism is treatable and I may be able overcome being disabled.

Thank you so much for reading this far and for all of your support! Now get out and do something! :)